Monday, June 20, 2016

The First Half of My Mission- THE TRUTH

The past 9 months have been quite a thrilling roller coaster ride!

There's been ups and downs, mountains to climb, deserts to cross, slumps to pull out of, and endless reasons to rejoice. 

Heavenly Father has been so very merciful to me, despite all of my shortcomings and countless mistakes. I know there have been times on my Mission thus far, when I have not been a very good missionary. 
Sometimes, it's not easy to stay focused.,, sometimes, it's hard not to be lazy.

The last couple transfers have probably been the hardest transfers so far. 
They were transfers in which I had to a hard time loving my companion and didn't have very much motivation to overcome my laziness...
It was so easy to pick out my companion's faults and focus on them, rather than forgiving her and moving on. 
It was so easy to be lazy alongside my companion instead of jumping up and helping her move forward. 

I know that Heavenly Father allowed me two whole transfers in this state to really help me learn several important lessons. 
I learned to let things put aside my pride and move onward.
I always thought that focusing on the good in others instead of the bad was one of my few talents...
These past two transfers really tested that...
They made me question if this was a talent of mine after all...

The thought that kept coming to my mind was: "I don't need to like her, I just need to love her."
When in reality, all this did was allow me to continue picking out her faults...

Once I recognized that, I decided that I needed to take a really hard, deeper look at myself instead of pointing fingers. 
The things that drove me crazy, I learned to let go and co-exist. I started to focus on overcoming my own weaknesses. 
Slowly, my relationship with my companion got better.

But, the challenge with that was that it was easy to let go of too much... 
It was easy to stop caring all together...
To become lazy. 
It was a struggle to stand up for what was right for fear of tainting our relationship again. 
It was an ultimate battle for balance. 

I don't know if I ever mastered this fine balance...
But I know that through this experience, I have become more patient, and a little more bold. 

The truth is? A mission is extremely hard.
For me right now, my mission is being a full-time missionary in Thailand.
But whatever your mission may be, the trials will come. 
Every time you overcome a challenge, you're thrown another one. 
I know that this because Heavenly Father wants His children to learn and grow, sometimes in leaps and bounds, in order to be more effective instruments in His hands. 

"God sent you here to prepare for a future greater than anything you can imagine. That future, a day at a time, comes alive when you do more than just exist; it comes alive when you live your [mission] life to fill the measure of your [calling]. This invites the Lord into your life, and you begin to let His will become yours." (President  Dieter F. Uchtdorf) 
"He knows who you can become. He knows your fears and your dreams. He relishes your potential. He waits for you to come to Him in prayer. Because you are His child, you not only need Him, but He also needs you. Those sitting around you...need you. The world needs you, and your divine nature allows you to be His trusted disciple to all His children." (Rosemary M. Wixom)

With these words ringing in my heart, I echo Isaiah's words:
"...He hath made my mouth like a sharp sword; in the shadow of his hand hath he hid me, and made me a polished shaft; in his quiver hath he hid me; And said unto me: Thou art my servant, [Sister Kwak], in whom I will be glorified...It is a light thing that thou shouldst be my servant to raise up the [people of Thailand]...I will also give thee for a light to the [Thai People], that thou mayest be my salvation unto the ends of the earth." (1Nephi 21: 2,3,6)

As long as we're trying, the Lord will bless us for our efforts. 
I am amazed at the number of miracles that constantly surround me. 
Some of the greatest miracles have been witnessing the power of the Holy Ghost in converting others to come unto Christ. 
The most powerful moments on my mission have been when testifying of the Gospel Truths. 
The most beautiful miracles have been the change in people's countenances as the Holy Ghost bears witness to them of these magnificent truths. 
I've been so blessed to meet countless wonderful people through this majestic work of the Lord, and it's hard to imagine life not knowing them now. 

I know that the Savior lives! And through the power of His Atoning Sacrifice, we can overcome our weaknesses and challenges. 
The Music of the Gospel is glorious! 
As we open our ears, and let the music take us away on a delightful dance, our hearts will be filled with the Love of God. 
No matter how hard life gets, we can be truly happy in our circumstances.
We just have to choose to be grateful. 

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